At church today Moira was trying to cuddle in my lap and it wasn’t working well, between the two girls.  She was patting my belly and saying, "Emy in way!"  Then tonight as she fell asleep, again in my lap, she said, "Big, big, pop!" and I asked if she wanted Emy to come out.  She said, "No, pop back," and patted my back - we realized she was asking, as she pushed on my belly, if she could pop Emy into my back so she would have room to cuddle with me! 

I had a pretty strong contraction during scripture study and asked Kit to help Mo get off my lap but to make sure he didn’t alarm the kids (Christopher’s been VERY sensitive lately to my increasingly strong contractions and I can see him getting worried.)  So I asked them if they wanted to feel a contraction and they did so, gently, while Christopher tells us he learned on "Between the Lions" that a contraction is when you take two words and make them into one.  I explain the contractions are sort of hugs from my uterus onto Emy (gee, they sure don’t feel like hugs on my end!) and they squish her a bit, just like words can be squished together.  It was a weird explanation, I know.  I don’t know what I was thinking. 

Bennett signed that he wanted his toothbrush while the older kids brushed their teeth!  During therapy this week he said "in" while putting blocks in a jar, and sounded like he was saying "out" as well.  He’ll mimic our words a lot more.

Christopher lined up to race and I asked Bennett if he wanted to join his big brother.  He walks towards Christopher, says, "GUH!" then turns around and races off to the bedroom with an enormous head start.  We all started laughing and Christopher said that wasn’t fair and we tried to get Bennett to start from the wall with Christopher but he would just laugh, say "Go" and take off already halfway down the hall.  I love seeing that sense of humor coming out.

Yesterday Christopher had a question about "The Hobbit" and we couldn’t answer, so he wanted to get in touch with the author.  We explained he died, a long time ago, so we couldn’t reach him.  Christopher asks if we can e-mail him and we both chuckle then let him know e-mail wasn’t invented until after the author died, so he never had e-mail and we can’t e-mail the dead.  So with mounting exasperation Christopher asks, "Well, when he be alive again??”  I can just picture Christopher chasing his favorite authors around heaven, asking questions. 

I jumped out of the shower this morning to find Moira’s baby doll on my bed, tiny little toy pig resting on her chest and a blanket nicely spread over her tummy.  There was a pillow lined up alongside of her where the edge of the bed was and I smiled to think Moira’s picking up on our actions like that.  Scary to realize how closely they watch us…

Couple good contractions woke me up during the night, strong enough I had to do the focused breathing thing through them.  Made me nervous, but I’m going on the assumption that when things get serious, I’ll know with enough time to get in and stop labor.  After a certain point there isn’t much they can do to prevent preterm labor so the trick is to go in and get the shot far enough in advance that it makes a difference - I just hate going in for that dumb shot.  I was just under 35 weeks with Mo when the contractions were every 1.5 to 2.5 minutes apart and I was dilating so I got a visit to L&D and the terbutaline.  My goal is to avoid that this time!

Okay, too many contractions so we’re coming up with a game plan.  It appears Bennett’s exploration is the primary culprit (i.e. the rescues are causing me to get up a little too fast and stoop and carry, etc) so we’re trying to figure out how I can care for him without having all these lovely contractions.  The older two kids are fine, they’re a huge help and play great together.  Kit preps snacks for them each day and Christopher gets them out, cleans up, everything.  We hang out on my bed with the laptop and phone and a bunch of library books and we’re good.  But Bennett is not so easily entertained or contained.  This morning my super wonderful friend came to chase Bennett until his nap time, then he slept and Kit came home pretty fast after that.  We need to get through next week, Week 34, and the following week Kit can probably work from home since his office will all be gone on a convention (Week 35) and then we’re in magical Week 36!  That means five days of next week that I need to figure out how to keep Baby Bennett safe while keeping Baby Emiline inside.  I’m honestly shocked and amazed that we’ve gotten this far before facing this problem.  We’re thankful!  Just five days, I keep telling myself.  We’re only 2 weeks and 3 days away from 36 weeks.  We can do this!  Somehow…  suggestions?

Today we completely cleared out the master bedroom and thankfully it’s got a ton of floor space.  I have a basket with diapers, wipes, toys, books, and things that keep Ben entertained for about 20 seconds.  I have the phone, water bottle, his milk in a little cooler, and his snacks.  The kids have snacks & lunch ready in the fridge.  I’ve got DVDs and the laptop.  But Bennett can sense he’s being held prisoner and he only lasts so long before he’s standing at my door knocking to be let out…  five days is nothing compared to the 12 weeks of serious bed rest with him, so he’ll just have to make peace with his sacrifice to get Emy here! 

I fully expect that the very day we hit 36 weeks gestation all contractions will cease and Emiline will remain in there until at least September and then be forced out, kicking and screaming and weighing at least 9lbs.  :)  At least that’s what I tell myself to get through this. 

Last night during scriptures we were discussing our bodies, resurrection, and stuff like that.  You know, all those "light" topics of discussion Christopher likes to chat about before going to sleep.  He tells me, "You’re body is so cool, you get to carry babies in your uterus."  Kit and I cracked up, of course, and I tried to tell him that boys get to do cool stuff, too.  It made me happy that he doesn’t have a negative view of pregnancy, especially after what he’s witnessed up close and personal over the last two years.  Despite the barfing and migraines and bed rest and terror of labor and c-section recovery and getting so big I can’t breathe, he still thinks pregnancy is cool and I hope it stays that way.  I’m thankful I haven’t permanently scarred him from the abandonment of bed rest, and we’re being really careful this time to let him know I am NOT sick and Emy is not sick - I’m just taking it easy to build up energy for Emiline to be born.  He’s asked before about who will babysit him when Emy is sick in the hospital and if she gets to come home after she’s born and that made me cry.  I know it was hard on him to have a baby brother he didn’t get to see for months (during RSV season in the NICU) but he’s an amazing, strong kid and an incredible big brother. (He’s getting lots of practice.)

I’ve been having traumatic experiences with my teeth.  About 5 weeks ago I had a tooth break off, got into the dentist and they had to do a big huge filling to replace this cracked off piece.  I was sore after, but nothing huge.  Then three weeks later ANOTHER tooth on the opposite side of my mouth cracked off.  Lovely.  But it was small so they wanted to wait until after Emiline arrived to avoid doing more dental work.  A week later my original tooth that had work was really hurting and they suspected the bite was off so they drilled it down a bit.  Felt okay at first, but then this last week the side of my mouth has just been hurting, all the way up to my ear.  So of course, I’m thinking something is really wrong and I need major root canal work or dentures or something, all my teeth are going to crack and fall out of my head.  I learned this is not uncommon in pregnancy and I’ve had apparently all kinds of risk factors for serious calcium deficiency, so I’m blaming this on pregnancy.  But something was wrong, and this morning I was back into the dentist.  She did some x-rays, because I insisted, and said my teeth look fine but I have apparently the third worst sinus infection she’s seen in 9 years of practice.  She could see it on my x-rays!  So she wanted me to get into my midwife right away (and I headed straight there) but I had NO signs of an infection - throat was okay, ears are okay, my only symptom was my ears are plugged.  But I always get stuffed ears when I’m pregnant and it’s just been allergies and extra congestion from increased blood volume.  So the guess is that my dental work irritated my nerves, then the extra pressure from congestion is causing them to hurt.  Lots of saline, decongestant, and antibiotics and we’re hoping to clear it up.  And hoping it’s not related to the increasing contractions, but I’ve been instructed to get back down for now since we just need another 3 weeks.  I’m going to try to comply with taking it easy.

After the dental & midwife visit, we headed to Baylor for Bennett’s 18 month well check and developmental assessment.  He got 10 out of 11 points for his adjusted age, missing only on verbal.  He signs instead of speaking much.  They were very, very happy with him.  He’s also 19lbs 15ozs and gone up a percentage group on the growth chart.  We’re switching him from Neosure to a Pediasure type drink, still 30 calories, because they want to build up some weight on him before flu season hits.  He does qualify for Synagis and they feel we should keep him on it for another RSV season because of his lung history.  Six months at $6,000 or so a month?  So long as it’s covered! 

We also got pictures of Bennett by his portrait in the hall, and had several people pass us as we headed down looking for it saying they recognized him.  Some nurses came out to see how we were doing and say congrats on the 33 weeks with Emiline!  It feels strange to think we may never enter that hospital again.  But good.

Bennett is trying to speak!  At least half the time it’s obviously not the word intended, but we can tell what he means (like Daddy or Peek-a-boo) but sometimes he gets the sounds - Mama, nana (banana) and Uh-oh.  “GUH” is still our most often used word.  Very exciting, he’s still signing “more” and today twice, to our surprise, he signed brushing teeth!  Sticking his finger in his mouth and wriggling it around.  We were amazed, since we’ve never shown him that sign and he got it all on his own.  The older kids were getting their teeth brushed and I asked if he wanted his, so he signed that to Kit!

Just now as I came out of the older kids’ room and sat on the couch, Bennett left Kit’s arms, walked across the living room, crawled up on the couch and hugged me!  He laid his head on my shoulder, patted me on the back twice, laid his head on my other shoulder and then got down and walked back to Kit and threw himself across his chest, arms spread, and hugged Kit.  He’s hugging us!  How cool is that?  I forgot all about this stage.

I’m thankful for these cute things because on the much less endearing front, we’ve entered the toddler tantrums with a vengeance. Bennett is persistent in a way I have not seen since Christopher was this age. Distraction does not work, removing him from the situation, firm “No!” over and over, new toys, even contraband (trading something non-dangerous but normally not allowed for a dangerous thing he’s managed to find) - nothing will deter this child from his mission. And those missions today have included throwing all the tupperware and kids’ dishes into the trash over and over and over, no matter what obstacles we place in his way. Crawling over every possible obstacle to get into the fireplace. Scaling walls to get to the laptop we’ve put way over his head. After the 42nd time of trying to stop him, he throws these fits and stands there stomping his feet and screaming at me! Then he throws himself on the floor and bangs his head (JUST like Christopher and Moira! Where do they get this idea from?? Is it just extreme frustration, because Kit and I aren’t banging our heads on the wall no matter how much it feels like we may be…) Full blown fits from this baby/toddler and it cracks me up, even as it makes me nuts.

I think it’s the stomping that makes me most laugh. Though finding him in various predicaments is pretty amusing, if not sad. On one of his tossing tupperware trips, I had placed the barstool in front of the trash can, with a cart on one side and cabinet on the other. I thought I had blocked him but no, he managed to shove stuff out of his way and squeeze in there, trapping his head between the cabinet and barstool. I couldn’t help it, I was laughing even as I tried to rescue him but he got his face wedged in there so tight his little cheek was red from where I had to pop him out.

I know they learn from repetition and I know we are blessed beyond belief that he’s exploring his world and that he’s even in this world. I would just prefer to NOT have to replace all the dishes in the house after he throws them away, and I’m hoping to not go into pre-term labor from pulling him out of the chimney.

I do love catching these little glimpses into his thoughts and seeing him develop.  Until he does something, like hug or speak or sign, I don’t notice that I’ve been symbolically holding my breath - we know there are so very many preemie issues we still face and until he doesn’t do something, we don’t know what he may struggle with down the line.  So these milestones are miracles, reminding us of how far he’s come.  Let’s all hope we survive this stage…

I took the older two to the pool today and as I was leaving the house heard myself saying, "It’s only 90 degrees??" and then we all laughed.  Yep, only 90 degrees.  Which is 15 degrees cooler than it’s been so really, that’s great.

I get lots of sympathetic comments when people hear I’m not due until September and will be spending the entire summer pregnant.  I let them know I am absolutely thrilled to be pregnant and hope I’m enormous until at least September.  But preemie thing aside, I think being pregnant in summer is better than having a newborn, especially here in Texas.  It’s obscenely hot so no one is spending much time outside anyway, and there is no way you could take a newborn out in this heat, even to the pool.  Besides them not being able to wear sun block, it would be insane to subject a baby to these temperatures if avoidable.  But my pregnant self can float around all I want.  It would be nice to have her older when RSV season hits but any baby I have is going to be in seclusion for the first few months no matter what time of year - the RSV/newborn combo just makes it that much easier to explain.  I think the only better timing would be a February baby - huge in the winter months and you get the fun holidays to distract you from discomfort, baby comes at end of RSV season so by the time they are old enough to go out it’s safer and warmer.  And when summer comes the baby is old enough to take to the pool or on outings. So if we have another one, February is my vote. 

Christopher hops down from his stool where he’s eating breakfast part II to hug my leg and say, “Mom, I love you too much.”  I laugh and ask what “too much” means and he says, “I make my own choices, choice I make is love you too much.”  Then he hugs me again and goes back to his yogurt.

We’re learning about shapes today - I tell them one, they have to find it somewhere in the house. Mo impressed me and found ovals in the water color box and my glasses and eyes! Christopher found an oval on top of the fridge - my oval shaped box of macadamia chocolates. The pentagon Christopher really wanted to try but I was skeptical he would find one. Not to be deterred, he made his own using Little People fence pieces! They are too amazing and too funny. I love seeing them learn.

Yesterday we learned that a friend from church has a tumor on her spine and more extensive testing lead them to discover multiple ones in her brain.  This is all since Sunday and they’re still waiting on test results but it appears to be lymphoma.  The weird thought that keeps bouncing in my head is that a week ago she was helping throw my shower, going about life as normal and doing all these wonderful, sweet things for everyone around her.  Now she’s in a hospital bed, unable to do anything for herself, and waiting to find out what this unreal news means for her and her family - she has three little ones, the youngest is just six weeks older than Bennett. We, as her friends, are in utter shock and cannot process this so I cannot even imagine what she’s experiencing right now.  It’s too much to comprehend.  So we’re praying. 

Two days ago Bennett learned to squat from standing, pick something up and recover (intead of plopping down.)  He also started getting to a standing position by himself, instead of pulling up on things.  Huge milestones, and we are thrilled.  But this means he’s upright more than crawling, and he’s getting fast.  I love it, but it comes with challenges as he gets into more stuff.  He’s not yet 18 months so he’s doing great.  And he’s making the older two crazy!! 

Yesterday we had Toria to play and the older three were racing around playing games and Bennett was actually doing a great job keeping up.  I loved seeing him chase them down the hall and crawl up on the bed with them.  But since he’s still in the whole exploring, rip things apart, shove everything in my mouth stage, his participation is not always welcome.  This morning Christopher was coloring at his little table and Bennett pulled up the second chair and got into the crayons.  He was just up from a nap but Christopher, throwing his body across his crayons to protect them, pleads, "Mom, you help me with Benny!"  I asked how and he suggested, "Make him take a nap!"  So we’re trying to explain that this is a stage and Bennett will stop eating their stuff, but he’ll probably never stop wanting to play with them.

Twice yesterday Bennett got himself stuck on something he climbed and started chanting, "Maa-maa-maa" and stopped when I looked at him.  I want to believe he was calling for me. 

It feels really, really good.  I know one of Kit’s huge concerns for Bennett back in the NICU was that his delays and challenges would be permanent and he would never be able to keep up with these two bundles of energy we already have.  That he would see his older siblings (and someday younger siblings) doing things he would not be able to do.  So it’s an answer to prayers and old fears that Bennett is now capable of chasing down Moira and knocking her over with a hug, or climbing up onto the table to color with Christopher. 

“Dad? Dad?” I don’t know how long Christopher had been standing by my bedside in the darkness, tapping on my back, but I eventually woke up.

“What can I do for you, Bud?”

“Whisper murfle whisper.”

“Critter, you’re talking to my bellybutton. I can’t hear you. Come up here.”

Shuffle shuffle. “Daddy, I’m scared. I want to sleep in between you and Mommy.”

“What are you afraid of?”

“I’m scared of my stuff. I want to sleep with you.”

“That’s okay, Bud. It’s dark. You can’s see your stuff. Go back to bed and we’ll throw your stuff away in the morning.”

“Dad!”

“Okay, just go back to bed and we’ll put your scariest stuff away tomorrow.”

“Allright, Dad. I love you.” Critter gives me a big hug at this and then continues. “But Dad…”

“No, really Critter. I’m falling back to sleep now. Go back to bed, okay? Sweet dreams.”

“All right, Daddy. You have sweet dreams. Dream about the new baby.”

“I will. You, too Critter. Love you.”

Christopher often gets lonely at night and comes in to ask to sleep in our bed. His claim is that he’s afraid in the dark. Invariably, he’s afraid of his stuff. Last night, I offered a hard line approach. For some reason it got a rise out of him.

I think Christopher was having his one year well check when the pediatrician’s nurse asked if we read to Christopher.  Kit and I looked at each other and LAUGHED and laughed.  Christopher started walking at 9 months and 3 weeks and by the time he was a year old he was running everywhere.  We have pictures of him racing around Europe at 13 months old and throwing a fit in Paris because we wouldn’t let him run through the Louvre.  This kid did not slow down for anything at all so reading?  Really?  Like he was going to hold still?  We could read out loud as he bounced off the walls but there was no way he was going to sit still and look at the words or pictures.

I thought of this today because we despaired of our child ever letting us read to him and now, well…  we shouldn’t complain, but the stacks of library books he wants to check out are getting heavy and after reading 8 books out loud IN A ROW it starts to get tiring.  Kit’s been reading him "The Hobbit" at bed time so at least we are interested in the story and I’m amazed at how much Christopher has absorbed and enjoyed (though it’s Kit’s edited version, we skip any gory details.)  Next I think we’re doing "Charlie & the Chocolate Factory." 

Moira has always enjoyed sitting there looking through books so we try to find some with beautiful illustrations.  Bennett is now starting to sit with board books and turn pages and I love seeing that.  Kit and I really hoped our kids would share our love of reading.  I worry about how Moira’s apraxia may affect her reading skills and we’ve been reminded that Bennett is at very high risk of having learning challenges, so I’m hoping that they’ll learn to love words through our reading to them and it will help us overcome any special issues they may have.

So if you have any book suggestions, send them our way.  Good stories or beautiful pictures, we want them both.  We want to build them a library that we can all enjoy hearing over and over and over… 

New pictures are up in the gallery.

You know how sometimes your brain takes a few minutes to kick in after you get woken up?  You stumble around and are all bleary eyed and not thinking straight?  And other days you pop right up because you hear your kids say something and you realize you better get up NOW or the mess may get out of control?  Thankfully we had one of the former ones this morning but this is what we woke up to…

Christopher quietly sneaks in, gets right up to my face and says, "Mommy, I didn’t bug you guys ALL NIGHT!"  I

Moira comes racing in upset because she can’t find one of her nipples.  I’m not kidding.  She was clutching one and yelling, "One nipple, one GONE??" and frantically patting her chest trying to locate the other one.  She was feeling somewhere under her armpit so we helped her locate it and all was well.

Then Christopher yells from the living room (where he’s trying to find cartoons that aren’t on yet) that "Mom, there’s a food making show on, you come see.  It look DELICIOUS."  Kit and I roll back over in bed and try to pretend we’re asleep when we next have a frantic Christopher in to let us know, "There an earthquake, it in place called Israel.  The buildings fall down on people and there are fires.  Earthquakes have smoke, smoke causes fire."  That got us up pretty fast to do some quick censoring and explaining!

And I come out to find Bennett up already, sitting on the couch with the laptop.  He hadn’t opened it yet, but he knows how. 

Good morning to you, too!