I just sent this out to my family and thought I would share it here, too - in case your inbox has also been flooded lately with dire warnings about this movie…

I’ve gotten at least eight emails about the moving coming out, The Golden Compass. We read up on it on Snopes as well and decided to start reading the book ourselves to see what the hype is all about - we’re hearing so much about it from everyone and people seem to be pretty upset. (And because I’m the kid that in junior high got my hands on a “banned books” list and used that as a summer reading list.)

I’m a fast reader, and it is pretty rare that I start a book and quit - I like to know how things end. But this one I got half way through and I have to stop. And not because it’s evil and anti-Christian and threatening to the moral welfare of our nation (which seems to be a big concern for the email lists that told us about this book) but I had to quit because IT’S UNBELIEVABLY BORING. And so impossible to follow that I confused Kit and myself trying to explain the plot. Oh, it’s torturous.

I have no idea what the movie is like but I heard it’s a pretty toned down version of the book and they’re hoping to get kids to read the book because they saw the movie? I think most kids won’t last past chapter one and halfway through I’ve still not come across anything remotely offensive. Unless boring is offensive.

So, if anyone does see the movie I’m curious to hear what you think. I heard book three is much more antagonistic towards religion but I can’t bear to try and read it if it’s anything like this one. It was like watching a bad movie and wishing you could have those two hours of your life back.

Edit: Kit says he doesn’t think it’s as bad as I do, he’s reading a couple chapters and I’ll see if he wants to post his thoughts on it later… but he agreed it would not appeal to kids.

You kids are digging an enormous pit in the backyard, one of these days I’ll go measure it. You’ve been working on it a few days and every once in awhile I hear a shout and gleeful exclamations then you race in to show me whatever disgusting, huge, slug of a bug you’ve uncovered and I ask you to please not let Emy eat it. She’s helping, occasionally plopping her rear in the center of the dig and getting covered as you fling spoonfuls of dirt about.

Moira, you caught an eyeful of dirt from Bennett’s toss. I can only assume your reflex issues extend to your eyelids because I’ve never seen someone NOT blink and protect themselves from flying dirt. You screamed and when I pried your hands from your face and you looked at me your eye was literally covered in dirt. We ran to the bathroom and I made you even more upset by splashing water in your eye, then I had to pick out the chunks of dirt from under your eyelid. It was a bit traumatic for us both. (Next time, if you can, try to blink.)

But as I sat there carefully removing dirt from your beautiful brown eyes I thought, “Wow, I adore my daughter!” Babies are cute, I love babies. Universally most babies are adored and even a complete stranger can appreciate the sweetness that is a newly toddling Emy or the funny race of a glasses clad Bennett. You’re all so beautiful and so sweet and I’ve loved each of you since long, long ago. I fell in love with you before you were born and every day since I’ve fallen harder. I love my babies, love my toddlers, but it seems like the older they get the more I love them.

I think that’s what I struggle to put into words. How every single day I can love you more. I don’t think love can be quantified like that but it’s how it feels. I loved you each at birth, even while still in me I loved you, but each moment we share builds that bond. Every time you seek me out for comfort, your bedtime snuggles, the kisses when we say good-bye, when you ask me to read to you, when you crawl all over me and smother me in your love, when we share adventures. All of it strengthens and builds on the utter adoration we felt way back when you entered our lives. I miss you so much when we’re apart that it’s a physical ache, you are always on my mind, your father and I share your funny comments and antics with each other all day long - scared that the other may have missed a moment of cuteness.

We can’t capture your childhood, despite our attempts with this blog and video and thousands of pictures. So we try, every day, to very deliberately stop. To focus on you, to stare at your beautiful faces, to hold you and tell you how much we love you, to try and paint these pictures in our memories. But with so many layers now, every day building on the next. We will time to stand still long enough for us to capture the picture of you in our hearts, a snapshot for each moment we are blessed to be with you.

That’s what I thought of… gazing at my dirt covered little girl. No one ever told me that parenthood would feel like this. I did not know my heart could stretch this wide, that I could be this blessed, that I could fall so madly in love with my family every single day.

Kit set up google analytics which is fun to check. If someone finds us through a google search it tells us what phrase they used - for example, “hid her clothes naked” apparently pulls us up! As does “hyperlactation spraying” and “boobs faint.” Hmm… what does that say about our family friendly site, eh?

It also shows a little map with states/countries darkened by number of visits. We’ve had visitors from 30 states the last week:

And it clearly shows no one in North OR South Dakota loves us! Great. Got to work on our PR in those states.

Nothing extraordinary today. We were doing linens and once they were started I called the kids in for lessons. They didn’t respond so I went looking and found this… all four kids camped out playing together. I decided lessons could wait.

This evening after carving our pumpkin (pictures to follow tomorrow) we let them watch “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!” and we found them hypnotized in front of the tv. Those expressions remind me of why we keep the tv unplugged all day. What I most noticed about this shot is that they all look so similar in size. Then I thought, “Well, gee - they are 5, 4, and 2.” Sometimes I forget how close in age our kids are… I’ve loved this spacing. I love this whole gaggle of kids.

Sometimes I skim our comments that the spam filter caught to make sure there wasn’t a legitimate comment snagged. They can catch titles of posts and include them in the comment to make it look authentic but then it always links you back to their porn site or whatever. I think this is my favorite spam message yet:

“Awesome review on PICU Update and Thoughts! I enjoy this write ups.”

Did you hear that? Our update while Bennett was in the PICU was AWESOME! Awesome. I totally agree.

Because I don’t care what anyone says, if it’s on the internet it has to be true, right? Okay, joking because I’m about to quote wikipedia to you and we all know that’s a truly credible source, right?

Bennett cowers in sunlight, direct or indirect. Really he cowers outside if it’s bright, period, even if it’s cloudy. His doctor said it’s related to the retinal damage from his ROP and this explains a bit how:

Photophobia

I know, phobia seems to suggest it’s a psychological issue but in medical terms it’s pain caused by sunlight. And that’s what makes me sad. When we take him outside he immediately covers up his face with both hands and arms and closes his eyes and then tries to keep moving. Which explains why he walked right into the open van door and almost knocked himself flat the other day. We try to get hats on him, that helps somewhat but the ambient sun still seems to really hurt him and I hate to see him cower like this outside and I HATE knowing it’s hurting him.

So we need to figure out how to get some sunglasses clips for toddler size, or something. His prescription is so strong I don’t know if something like transition lenses are an option (and I shudder to think how much they are because I know insurance won’t cover them and his lenses alone are close to $400 they said.) But maybe we can find toddler size glasses frames with clip on sunglasses? Any suggestions?

Just another one of those dumb things for me to be sad about - Bennett can’t play outside in the sun like a normal kid because the sun hurts him. Wait, this makes sense if he’s a super hero - all super heros have a vulnerability, right? Bennett’s must be sunlight.

Update - I feel silly, I just called Bennett’s optical shop and they do not carry clip on shades for kids this size BUT for $15 they’ll tint his lenses! We’re taking in his spare pair to see how they turn out and if he’ll tolerate them then we’ll just make sure we keep his sunglassses on hand anytime we head out. Hooray!

My eyes popped open this morning and immediately I realized something was off. It took me a moment to figure it out. THERE WERE NO CHILDREN IN OUR BED! It was just me and Kit. No babies. As a matter of fact, there were no children AWAKE. Just ME! Why was I awake?? (Well, because my body has been trained to wake up at 6am apparently…) I lay there for a minute with my eyes clenched shut (can you clench your eyelids? Yes, apparently I can) and desperately hope no one could sense I was awake and use that as incentive to wake up. Clenching eyelids, clenching eyelids… nope, Bennett woke up. I heard him walk out of his room and wander off (hope springs, maybe he doesn’t realize I’m awake??) but I realize he’s just gone to get his glasses from the dark living room and I heard his little feet pad towards us. He opens and closes our door emphatically, then clicks on the tv and climbs onto our bed. I’m pretending to be asleep, wondering if Kit’s also pretending to be asleep, but realize this is a losing battle as Bennett burrows in between us and starts chattering to Mr. Rogers. Which of course wakes up Emy (asleep on the toddler bed in our room) and she opens her eyes but doesn’t get up, just flops around on her bed a bit and stares bleary eyed at the tv.

So, the other big news in that tidbit of news is that Emy stayed in her bed the entire night because EMILINE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! We came to bed at 10pm (she went down at 8pm) and she stayed in bed without a peep until 6am!!! WOW! She then popped up after a couple minutes and demanded food - the downside of weaning, she needs breakfast immediately at 6am or there is hysteria. (She takes after me with the whole feed me or I get cranky thing.) EMY SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT, EMY SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! That only took what - 14 months?

Of course Bennett didn’t sleep through the night, they are both having horrible congestion from what we hope is just allergies (and not viral) so he was up 3 times and finally stayed down at 3am. But I had no idea, Kit got up with him…

So you realize what this means, right? I slept from 10pm to 6am!! I did it! EIGHT HOURS OF SLEEP! For the first time in over six years I got eight hours of uninterrupted sleep! I feel like I just accomplished something stupendous… WOW. I have no grand delusions of this happening again in the next six years but wow. That’s pretty cool!

And on the topic if sleep, here is a bit of cuteness to brighten your Monday.

Update - Monday night they both slept until 5am (Ben woke up but Kit got him back down) and at 6am I found Emy weeping on the floor. She had tried to crawl out of her bed and get into our bed but didn’t make it so she was laying sprawled out on the floor trying to crawl UNDER our bed. I pulled her into our bed and we both slept until 7am. WOO-HOO!

I’m being vague (those AFN “Use Good OPSEC” commercials linger) so I’ll just say someone got special permission and was able to come up yesterday to go through the temple and be sealed before someone had to go far away to somewhere for a long time. Was that vague enough? And now Aurora can come! She was very cooperative and stayed put until after the sealing though I think the temple sealer was a little nervous about Jenny being full term and not near her midwife!

Here are some pictures I snapped - my kids, waiting oh-so-patiently for their aunt and uncle to emerge from the temple:

The beaming couple:

Bennett fascinated by one of the bouqets:

Attempting to get a picture of all the kids with their aunt & uncle - I told them it was a practice shot for getting their own brood to cooperate:

The “Congratulations on your sealing/Happy 1st Anniversary/Welcome new baby/Farewell” cake. I made it to sort of match the cake I made for their open house:

Cutting cake:

More pictures in our wedding gallery album.

Moira asked, “Jenny & Sean’s baby get out now?” and Christopher said, “There can’t be a better day than this!!”

I’ve spent most of this morning rocking and singing lullabyes to two very cranky, teething toddlers and staring at my bookshelves… thus producing my list of:

BOOKS THAT HAVE INFLUENCED ME!
(I’m leaving off the scriptures and General Conference talks because that’s just too obvious. ) I’ve had some friends asking about homeschooling books in particular (and a few needed pregnancy suggestions) so we’ll just consolidate it all here.

as a new mother
The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth - because I have a tendency to think. Crazy, I know.
Nursing Mother’s Companion - best I read for helping get you started, fight problems, and make it a rewarding experience for everyone involved. Also crucial in helping is diagnose the milk sensitivity for which we are forever grateful.
Dr. & Martha Sears I like them. They have lots of kids and are very practical - you sleep better with the baby in bed? go for it! It was nice to get outside medical verification that the choices we were making (nursing on demand, co-sleeping, baby wearing) truly were good for our baby.

Then I had three more babies and realized Dang it, I don’t NEED outside verification! I’m the PARENT! We are the world’s experts on our kids!

as a parent
Raising your Spirited Child & Parenting the Ephraim’s Child - because we have ’spirited’ kids and I needed to know there was hope if we could all just survive those first few years. But invaluable tips for parents of ALL children, even if they are mellow.
The Parenting Breakthrough - GREAT for practical tips for helping those kids learn responsibility and motivation and self direction.
How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk - very influential in helping us figure out the best way to communicate (something many of us take for granted and yet we really suck at it) - it’s permeated most every verbal interaction we have with our kids, in a good way. Even if we’re a work in progress… but we are better listeners. And our kids sure do talk!
25 Mistakes LDS parents make and how to avoid them - interesting. Nothing earth shattering, but lots to discuss - how will we handle these things?

as a parent to special needs kids
Quirky Kids - still pondering, just finished this one.
The Out of Sync Child - SO GOOD for sensory issues, how to cope, how to work with, etc.
Ready Bodies, Learning Minds - exercises and explanations for what is happening with some of our kids’ issues, but relevant to ALL young kids and how they learn and move.
Children With Visual Impairments - when first getting Bennett’s eye news this really helped us get a general idea of what to expect and let us know it would be okay.

as a homeschooler
The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling - getting you started, and why. Then TONS of information on where to go, coping, day to day, lesson ideas, etc. Great help, can be overwhelming, good to read in bits at a time and reference later.
The Well Trained Mind - helpful overview of the classical approach, huge list of resources and ideas.
A Thomas Jefferson Education - lots to ponder on the current educational system, their goals, and what WE want for our children. Discussion of socialization and leadership education.
Learn at Home Grade K - a complete curriculum in one book. I checked it against the state education standards and it covered it all and more. SO, we had this as our ‘back up’ plan in case I felt I couldn’t come up with our own system. It has a TON of fun ideas, daily lesson plans, enrichment suggestions, worksheets. It’s got it all, and it’s a great deal. But once we had some confidence in our own lesson planning, we felt ready to move on - worth having for fall back!

as a person
The Infinite Atonement - I’ve discussed this one a lot. It’s still in my top five of all time.
The Feeling Good Handbook - I did this in therapy after our second miscarriage, pre-Bennett. It’s totally cheezy but IT REALLY HELPED with how I coped during the anxiety of bedrest and the NICU/PICU ordeal. Geared towards people with anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder. I think good for anyone that feels like their mood is controlling them more than vice versa. Discusses black & white thinking, faulty thinking patterns, why we speak to ourselves the way we do, etc. Good read.
Zenzele - read and taught this in grad school, it’s beautiful and thought provoking and a great read for mother-daughters together.

I’ve listed or mentioned most of these before but this will be interesting to keep track of and next year I’ll see if my list has changed - what new additions I may pick up along the way.

SO, I would LOVE, love, love to hear anyone else’s book lists. I always enjoy book tips - parenting? Homeschooling? Life in general? What books do you think I should read? And why? If you post a list on your blog let me know so I may come check it out. I don’t want to name anyone in particular (though you book addicts know who you are!) because I don’t want to leave anyone out - I really would love to read all of your ideas. (I’m serious, I’m coming looking - I want suggestions!) And if you don’t mind, leave a comment to link to your blog, or just leave us a suggested title in case anyone else wants something new to read.

We’re reading the Lambs’ version of Shakespeare to the kids, currently on Romeo & Juliet. Christopher asked if everyone dies in this one, like Hamlet, and I said in a tragedy usually the main characters die. So he asked what a character is and we discussed and I then I asked, “Who is the main character in Harold & the Purple Crayon? He said, “Harold - but Harold doesn’t die!!”

So I clarified, Harold and the Purple Crayon isn’t a tragedy.

I just had an interesting discussion with someone at the school near us and wrote about it on our school blog. There are also some interesting quotes in the “Do Rewards Work?” post.

There is no way to say this without sounding like I’m complaining and I don’t mean to complain, just to make an observation.

Bennett, you scarred me. Emotionally, the whole post traumatic stress thing and bizarre reactions to pumpkin patches and the Dallas skyline and ambulance sirens. Krispy Kreme donuts. We don’t have Krispy Kreme near us, we got them at the hospital cafeteria (Baylor & Children’s Medical Center both had them) and the kids would ask for sprinkle donuts all the time. I don’t like Krispy Kreme now. Well, I like them but I don’t like what they remind me of - spending months of my life living at the hospital.

So I’m still scarred, though the memories are getting easier to face.

But here’s where I share and hope it doesn’t sound like I’m whining. I have a big scar from the c-section. It was our choice, we absolutely WANTED that c-section and felt it was going to give you the best chance of surviving delivery and minimizing the trauma of getting you out. Our doctor agree, everyone ran, we got you out, I truly believe that c-section made a difference for you and I am grateful beyond words that we were in a situation that we could have you out in minutes. I shudder to think of what would have happened otherwise… I AM SO THANKFUL FOR MY C-SECTION.

Because of your position (transverse, laying across my abdomen) and the abruption and the clot and your size, the doctor said he wanted to make a really wide cut so he could lift you out as gently as possible. So pretty much hip to hip. We didn’t want any squishing or tugging or yanking to get your tiny little self out and I was more than happy for them to slice me end to end to get you safely here. Whatever it took, vertical, horizontal, T-cut, anything at all to minimize the trauma on you. Then the doctor was very careful about closing with two layers and trying to get me carefully back together to allow for possible future VBAC deliveries.

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