Doesn’t this picture give the totally wrong impression? Civilized, perhaps? WRONG! Ben was about three seconds away from trying to chuck that at someone, not check his sister. Easy to get those two actions mixed up, I know.

I kid. They really had quite a polite, calm game. Nobody threw anything at anyone’s head.

Our rolls are rising for our brats, our sparkling cider is chilling, the kids are making party hats. Later we’ll help them write their letters to themselves, including their favorite things from this year and we’ll save those until next year. This is our first year in our new home and I wanted to start some traditions that we can continue for the next several decades.

We’ll be celebrating New Year’s at 8pm and putting them down to bed soon after so Mommy & Daddy can celebrate their New Year with a home date.

I bookmarked some party sites for the next few years when I’m more ambitious. Family Fun has a ton of great ideas but I’m not willing to make a balloon drop or noisemakers this year. We’ve got enough noisemakers around here. I’m thinking I will be ASLEEP at midnight if I have my way. Or nursing Joseph, that would be okay as well.

Any New Year’s traditions to share? Whatever you may be doing, I hope your new year will be even more wonderful than 2008.

Emy hands me a band-aid. I ask where her ouchie is and she looks at her hand for a moment and says quizzically, “Where did my ouchie go?” Looks, looks. Yells, “OH, der it is!” while pointing to a tiny pink splotch on her other hand. I say, “Nope, Emy - no blood, no band-aid.” She pulls up the many, many poofy layers of her princess gown (which she’s been living in for the last few days) and says, “Der blood on my foot!” (No, there isn’t.)

Band-aids are the miracle cure, but why is that? It’s not even a character band-aid, no Dora or princess is on it. It’s a plain old band-aid and yet it contains magic in it. Someday I know I will wish I had such a simple cure for the bigger ouchies in their lives.

(Yes, I let her have it. Her big sister helped her put it on her finger while I typed this.)

In the middle of the night he got more and more fussy and then hoarse and then the coughing started. He sounds the way I imagine a cranky, tired, sick, raspy baby dinosaur would sound. If it were growling at you.

So Kit and I did not get much sleep thanks to Mr. Raspy Dinosaur.

However, I realize I am making progress with the post-preemie paranoia. (Kit likes to point out it’s not paranoia if it’s really an issue.) As I listened to him cough I thought, “That doesn’t sound like RSV… yet.” Bennett was five months old (month adjusted age) when he caught RSV but he was just over 6lbs and still on oxygen. And a 23 week preemie, of course, with very sad and pathetic lungs. Joseph is not yet five months old but he’s almost 16lbs and has healthy, beautiful lungs and was obviously not a preemie so no BPD. So I patted myself on the back for not freaking out in the middle of the night. Though I did consider which hospital we’ll head to if Joseph decided to stop breathing… but I don’t consider that paranoid, I consider that well prepared.

You would laugh if you saw Joseph, though, and realize I was pondering hospital options. Moira just said, “He acts like a regular baby, even though he’s sick,” and Christopher said, “Yeah, he’s still a happy baby.” Joseph’s up on all fours smiling at them, just breathing through his mouth as if he doesn’t care. (He cared last night! He was miserable enough that Kit had to pace the floor and I ended up sleeping with him curled up against my chest.) Now he’s acting cute and not so sad.

Bennett just started coughing as I typed this. He’s not had a cold or cough or anything in months… maybe this entire year, Kit and I cannot remember his last one. Little stinker decides to start coughing just days before his well check. Oh, funny. He just bonked Emy in the head (they’re fighting over something?) and when she started crying he reached over and hugged her.

So, sick. But not too sick. And I’m wondering if this is just allergies for both boys since my allergies have been MISERABLE and I’m so congested. They’ve not been out and about and not around anyone sick so I think (I hope!) this is just all three of us having allergies. I bet we’ll all be feeling better tomorrow.

Happy New Year’s Eve!

I’ve been getting migraines, but not full blown ones. Sort of a migraine-lite. Mini-migraine. I’m thankful it’s not the migraines that make me want to die, because that is never convenient. Migraine meds make me punchy, can ya tell?

Did you know there were so many garden gnome options in the world?

Did you know they have $80 solar garden gnomes? Is your day now complete, having that bit of trivia? If I had $80 to play with, I’m not thinking I would spend it on a garden gnome. Well, as obsessed as I may be with these things (for the moment), unless I find one at the dollar store I’m not really getting one. I think I’m blaming this on the migraine.

I’m reading a book that I’m enjoying, I’ll probably start taking notes and write it all down. Lots of homework, it’s called Life Makeovers and makeover seems to imply something needs to be dramatically changed. I’m not feeling a need for radical change but the book has some really thought provoking questions and homework and I’m enjoying it. More on that later, when I’m capable of coherency again. My lips are going numb (migraine related) and I’m getting more loopy than usual. It’s a good read for the new year, it’s weekly readings w/assignments. I’m just skimming it now… more to come. Along with my word of the year and my focus areas.

- I decided we need a garden gnome for our ivy patch, behind the fountain and between the workshop and shed. I also want to get a couple small evergreens (like mini-Christmas trees) and plant them back against the fence there. I don’t know why, but I’ve decided we need a garden gnome. NEED, I tell you.

- I made hummus. I was not impressed with hummus when I first tried it in California, it seemed like one of those weird health food things people out there all ate because it was good for you but not yummy. Like tofu. But I tried my sister’s and then we tried making our own and now I realize that all hummus is not created equal and it can be very yummy.

- I found the box I had written up years ago with this lovely outline of chores and reminders of things, based on some book my mother had about home organization. Really good book, I got very organized. Then I promptly forgot about all of it in the craziness that is life with many small children. But I found it, updated it, and I am going to use it! I will be more organized this year! Maybe more on that later, I can give details so my children can better understand the madness that was their childhood. Mommy & her index cards… How long do you give me to toss the system again? I’m thinking February?

- I don’t think Bennett is getting any birthday presents this year because we’re not getting any inspiration on what to get him. He asked for a marble run (we have one already so we’re not getting another one) and a lemon cake.

- I am trying to find a recipe for brotchen (how do you put the umlaut on?) because we like to do Fanta and brats for New Year’s Eve dinner. Found it.

- Joseph is eating my fingers, time to stop.

- One more: “Mom, I’m not going to pick my nose because I have beautiful nails.” You can guess who said that, after a manicure from her cousin today.

Joseph has to grab on to something these days when he’s nursing or he just flails away. Tonight he found Heidi’s hand. And shirt.

There’s a specific post I thought I wrote but apparently I was hallucinating and it doesn’t exist. But I’m reading some interesting old posts & comments in the meantime as I search and I just wanted to say THANK YOU to each and everyone of you that have commented. I was hesitant about opening up comments and I am SO glad I did. Rachel, it was specifically a comment you made on that post I wrote about my work on the Rape Crisis Team that made me realize I needed to say thanks. It was such a sweet comment that it made me start crying.

Now I must stop Emy from plastering ladybug stickers all over poor Joseph’s back. It looks like she got him pretty well covered.

I was looking for an old blog post that I didn’t find but I ran across this one - random introspection that I wrote just after Bennett’s 3rd birthday. I don’t know if I ever made it public, it was marked private. But a lot of that is on my mind again as we prepare to celebrate Mr. Bennett turning four and going down in a week to visit Baylor and see his doctor…

Joseph wants to crawl, and he’s acting like he’s been given some mission with a deadline because he won’t stop. He won’t tolerate his papasan seat anymore, he twists out of it and yells. We lay him on the floor and he immediately flips onto his stomach and up onto all fours. He’s been trying to push off with his feet, alternating legs, rocking back and forth. This morning he was beyond exhausted, he was weeping from the fatigue but if I lay him in bed he rolls over and gets up. He was rocking back and forth crying, his eyes rolling back into his head and his eyelids dropping but he would not stop! He just kept going, like some bizarre compulsion. It was tragic! I finally had to swaddle him up (which I’ve not done since he was a month old?) and then rock him until he passed out.

What is driving this boy? What happened to my newborn??

Some friends gave us a card with cash for a date and the stipulation that we must let them babysit for said date. Last night someone else came by to drop off gifts and request she be allowed to babysit so we can have a date. (Do we seem that desperate for a date?) These are both wonderful people we trust, good people and grandparents and parents of large families. And still I hesitate and I’ve been trying to figure out why exactly I still have this deep aversion to leaving our children with babysitters. (I won’t speak for Kit, he may have his own reasons.)
(more…)

In case you felt a bit behind with the holidays, I can make you feel better. Kit ran out to pick up our Christmas cards before the store closed at 6pm on Christmas EVE. After I ordered them that day. We never got a Christmas tree - it was on our list and I just never got around to it. (The kids didn’t seem to notice or care.) I’m doing my holiday baking now. So really, if there was a prize for holiday slacker then the title would be all mine.

But, here’s the yummy peanut butter fudge recipe we made yesterday. Kit pointed out we had half a jar of marshmallow cream still sitting in our cabinet and we needed some way to use it up. I obliged.

Stir together 1/2 c butter (one stick), 3 c sugar and 2/3 c evaporated milk. Or you can use 2/3 c milk (we did whole) and 1/4 c powdered milk, it’s an evaporated milk sub. Microwave those for 3 minutes, stir, then microwave another 3 minutes. Meanwhile, in another bowl put 7ozs (one small jar or half our big jar) of marshmallow cream and 2 cups peanut butter (smooth or crunchy) and set that in your (ideally empty) sink. Stir the bowl in the microwave again and put it back in for another 3 to 5 minutes. (I did 3 more minutes, so this is 9 minutes total, then I checked the temperature - you want it to be 234 degrees but you can fake it without the thermometer but why would you? Just buy the silly thermometer already.) Take the boiling mixture and pour it into the bowl in the sink (there in case it splatters) and stir. Add 1 to 2 t vanilla and stir some more then pour into a greased pan. The recipe said 9×9 but I did a 8×12″ pan and it was still pretty thick.

Then take a vote on if you should pour chocolate chips over the whole thing (you can guess what our vote was) and put a cookie sheet over the pan to trap some heat while the chocolate melts. Spread, then put into fridge.

Realizing this has milk I only ate one piece but WOW, it’s good.