In no particular order, I wish I had known in my first pregnancy:

- A midwife. Not that all midwives are equal by any stretch, but I wish we had interviewed some in California.
- I wish we had hired a doula, but I don’t think we had even heard of them yet. I LOVE OUR DOULA and I will not ever give birth again (if I give birth again) without our doula. With all of the benefits of a doula, what a tiny, tiny financial price to pay for the priceless peace of mind of having that support and lowering your risks of various interventions.
- The olive oil on the baby’s rear end trick to avoid the meconium mess.
- That it was worth paying out of pocket and doing more research to find a midwife to work with in order to avoid the OB/hospital. DId I mention midwife already??
- That even if I chose to be in a hospital, I was not a prisoner and I was free to tell them NO to anything and everything.
- Read “The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth” & “Birthing from Within” and the Dr. Sear’s “Birth Book” or any Dr. Sears book!
- That breastfeeding is hard but very, very worth it. But it’s still hard. And even if I know how to breastfeed a baby, that doesn’t mean the next baby will know how to breastfeed, it’s a whole new ballgame with each baby.
- That postpartum hormones are powerful things.
- Lansinoh breast pads & Depends for postpartum.
- Birth centers. I cannot say that enough. Birth centers. I wish I had explored options more and not assumed that a hospital birth was my only alternative since it was all insurance covered. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WORTH PAYING OUT OF POCKET, especially considering a birth center delivery including EVERYTHING from labs and prenatal care to delivery and center fee and postpartum visits are around $3500 in our part of town. That’s less than some people pay in co-pays & deductibles for a hospital birth.
- Pictures. I wish I had hired a photographer for our births before my sister was in town and I am so very thankful she’s in town now because wow - those pictures are incredible at capturing the experience.
- That postpartum is HARD and the only thing that matters in these first days is sanity & sleep. Everything else can wait.
- The crib was a waste of money. And babies do NOT need a lot of stuff.

- I wish I had known I could give birth without drugs and that I did not necessarily need a hospital. That I’m strong enough to cope with the pain and intensity, and that it would be something that I would actually enjoy - so much so that I would choose to do it again and again. I wish I had more faith in my body and its ability to handle the challenge of labor. I wish I had gone into pregnancy and birth with more faith in myself and my ability to cope and grow from the experience. But either way, I got to this point and I’m thankful.

I want to see if I can get to 6am without waking Kit up. Or 6:30am or whenever the kids start waking up. Then we can shower and eat something (hmm, donuts sound good) and I can see how the contractions are going. Still every six minutes right now and strong enough to require my attention. I would like to not call the labor team before 7 or 8am and since they are heading north they’ll hopefully not hit too much traffic (most rush hour is southbound around here in the morning, though this is DFW so really there’s no predicting things.) Depending on how Emy and Bennett are doing, I’ll see which babysitter options are in town & available in case we need them picked up. They need to eat lunch at 11am and go down for naps right after though that may all get blown by a baby arriving. In which case we’ll hope we can all do a late nap today.

Right now I just need to STAY DISTRACTED so I don’t wear myself out with these increasingly distracting contractions. Maybe I’ll make some of those chocolate almond turnovers for breakfast? Last time we did lemon but I want to play around with toasted almonds, the dark chocolate and some almond glaze.

Not wanting to be too optimistic, I think before dinnertime we’ll have a new baby. Wish us well, we’ll keep you posted…

Update: Here are the toddlers keeping me company between contractions.

8am: Called midwife & doula and gave my sister a heads up, midwife will stop and check me on way to office and see what’s up. 3 to 5 minutes apart but that could still last for hours… Mo stumbled out of bed and I said, “We’re going to get donuts. And maybe a baby.” Her face lit up and I asked which she was more excited about. She said donuts. AND baby, she said, “I’m excited about both.” Ha, too late, the sleepy truth has been revealed. Donuts win.

8:30am: Midwife says I’m almost 7cms. Um, did NOT expect that! Making lots of calls. If I ranked my contractions on the 0 to 10 pain scale I don’t think they’re over 5 yet. I had a few 7s but this is crazy! They aren’t consistent yet, either. 3 minutes, 6 minutes, they’re all over. Hmm…

11:30am: 8cms, feeling a bit pushy but not yet. Emy keeps bringing me Gatorade. Some of these are a 7 but still most are maybe a 4? This is bizarre! Starting to feel the urge to push, but not quite yet.

From 11:30am to 1:40pm I was not amused. So no updates there, but little chunky monkey has arrived!

8lbs 10ozs, 20.5″, utterly adorable. We are all resting and thrilled and we’ll have pictures later. Kit’s already rocked the baby to sleep and is on the phone with his parents now.

Not at all what expected, this was such a different labor experience. After I get some sleep I’ll write up the birth story.

And yes, we were really blogging in labor. My iTunes had my labor songs, so we needed to have the laptop open. And I only blogged until we hit transition and realized things were moving along and required my attention and then we got down to business.

We’ve not painted the cast yet and I’m wondering if we’ll just wait for Mojo so we can add the feet at the same time we do the kids’ handprints. I thought another project would be fun for the kids and help the younger two conceptualize a bit that this thing wildly kicking them is really human. I don’t know if they grasped the concept but we had fun.

It was inspired by one of my many late night trips to the bathroom, I saw my shadow on the wall as I walked past the night light and thought, “Wow, I’m getting huge!” So we decided to trace my profile onto some drawing paper and let the kids decorate it to show us what they thought Mojo looked like in there. I posted the pictures in the gallery with the belly cast shots. It was really fun to see how creative they got.

Yes, I am giving birth to puppies. Two, apparently, Moira’s dream come true. We drew mini-versions of my belly for the younger two kids to play with…

Then we ate cookies. WOW, those cookies! Peanut florentine types, wafer thin with chocolate sealing them shut. YUM. I’ll have to post the recipe later. Working on seeing how much weight I can pack on before the baby comes.

Here’s Heidi modeling her labor present.

It’s from Couture Moms. Nice service, by the way. I messed up the online order and they took care of it, no problems.

(Heidi adds - this is not a maternity shirt, I just wanted to see if it would fit okay after the baby comes. It stretches, apparently! But my belly was poking out below, so wait to buy one if you are pregnant…)

Another Heidi addition - I am NOT having a baby tonight, Moira was cuddling on my lap at 6pm saying she doesn’t want to sleep but her head does. Then her eyes got really wide and she threw up. SO, really need to stay pregnant the next day at least so I can help take care of my sick little girl before I’m in labor…

(And I quote:)

- Get lots of sleep.
- Clean up.
- Start remembering to fill up my water cup.
- Go to the pool again.
- Play Wii.

We have water cups for them they aren’t consistent about filling up and putting back in the fridge. And we were invited to a birthday pool party last night and they LOVED IT - it was their first time in the pool this summer and they’re anxious to go again. Lucky for them my midwife is going to fulfill that request. She called this morning before she went running, made sure I wasn’t in labor yet and invited us to come have a BBQ dinner and let the kids swim in her pool. As if my kids didn’t adore our midwife already, right? If they run away someday I’m going to find them down the street in her hot tub, huh?

Pool pictures to come so you can laugh your rear off at me in a swim suit at almost 38 weeks pregnant. Though I was in good company, two other moms at the party are also due in the next few weeks. We had a great time at the party, I’m glad the kids are making friends in the new ward (and me, too!)

“We become what we think about all day long.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

The power of the words we tell ourselves all day long… and why I’m trying so hard to make sure I’m surrounding myself with positive birth stories, inspiring friends, and encouraging words.

Kit and I have both observed that we hit 37 weeks (and got news of our little chunk-o-baby) and there’s a HUGE, huge weight off our shoulders. It’s such a wonderful shift in our states of mind - we’re not scared! We’re not having a preemie! We’re probably not going to need the hospital! I can do whatever I want now - carry kids, nest like a crazy woman, start walking in the mornings again. WE MADE IT. Wow. We got through another pregnancy post-preemie and we’re about to welcome baby #5 and we are excited! This morning Emy & Bennett were taking turns “rocking” one of the baby’s outfits in the glider and if you ask Bennett where the baby will sleep he says, “In Mommy & Daddy’s bed!” and I found Emy “nursing” her baby doll yesterday. I think we’re all feeling pretty excited.

C’s fever broke, Emy came in running a temp at 5am but she seems fine now? Just a bit fussy. Praying we’re all healthy before this baby decides to arrive…

I write this, then I realize it’s not the whole story. When I make comments about, “Hopefully we won’t need the hospital,” or “We think we’ll probably be okay once we hit 37 weeks,” I’ve had people tell me that I need to think positive. Assume the best, etc, don’t let myself be scared and worry about those things. (Clearly not people that know me well are saying those things.) But on the other hand, when I speak optimistically about our plans I’m also counseled to remember we may need to transfer to the hospital and things could go wrong and you just never know so we need to be mentally prepared in case things fall apart.
(more…)

Birthday Cake
4 eggs 
2 c. sour cream 
3/4 c. oil 
1 devil’s food cake mix 
1 sm. pkg. instant pudding mix (if we have it?)
1 cup chocolate chips 
1 1/3 c. water
 
Mix together; pour into bundt pan; bake at 350 degrees for 34-40 min. or until done. 
Top with buttermilk caramel frosting (stored in fridge.)

Hot Artichoke Dip 
8 oz. cream cheese (softened) 
1/2 c. mayo
1 garlic clove, pressed (1/2 t. diced garlic)
14 oz. artichoke hearts in water, drained and chopped 
1/4 c. grated Parmesan cheese 
1/3 c. thinly sliced green onions with tops (from garden)
1 lemon (2 T lemon juice if lemon is gone)
1/8 tsp. ground black pepper 

Mix all ingredients together & can store in fridge. When time, bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes, until edges are golden brown. Serve with crackers.

Fruit Dip
1 (8 ounce) package cream cheese
2 tablespoons orange juice
1/4 cup confectioners’ sugar (optional)
1 (7 ounce) jar marshmallow creme
sprinkle cinnamon

Combine ahead of time and chill, serve with fruit (pineapple chunks, banana slices, apples, grapes, etc. Whatever we have in the house.)

Buttermilk Ranch Dip
• 1/2 c buttermilk
• 1/2 c cup mayonnaise
• 1/2 cup sour cream
• 1/2 teaspoon dried chives (1 t fresh from garden)
• 1/2 teaspoon dried parsley (1 t fresh from garden)
• 1 teaspoon dried dill weed
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• 1/4 teaspoon onion powder
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
Combine ahead of time and chill, serve with veggies.

Sparkling apple cider, root beer, bottled water into fridge; strawberry limeade mixed up in glass pitcher (limeade, ginger ale, strawberry sauce.)

Okay, I keep adding and subtracting songs. Now I’ve got:

Labor 1 - fast (early labor) with 1.5 hours of 23 songs.
Labor 2 - slow (hard labor) with 59 minutes and 14 songs.
Labor 3 - focus songs (transition/pushing) with 10.8 minutes and 3 songs. Two of those songs we’ll be using on Mojo’s birth video.

Yep, I’m thinking 10.8 minutes of transition and pushing would be lovely. So long as it’s enough time to squeeze Mojo’s lungs and get the fluid out, I’m happy! I only pushed with Mo for 5 minutes and she wasn’t too congested sounding.

I told my midwife I was only planning to use the tub for early labor, not for delivering. She laughed and said, “So the first 15 minutes?” I have more early labor than that but I’ll be happy with any labor that produces a healthy baby! I know in the big scheme of things this is just a tiny moment. (Remind me of that when I’m in the moment and thinking I cannot possibly survive another labor, okay?)

I can tell I’m getting close, I’m getting claustrophobic in my own skin. Probably because there is someone frantically trying to get out of my skin these days. You should have seen the kicks when when did the plaster cast, it warms up and the baby was going wild. I had contractions all day Thursday but they let up Friday and went back to the 4 to 6 an hour (instead of the 4 to 6 ever half hour) which was a nice break.

Yesterday I did my eye exam and as I drove down the street in a car alone (with a backseat full of carseats still) a song came on the radio that I remember hearing in college during my ridiculous road trip years when I would feel an urge to get to LA and would jump in the car and drive literally all night - sometimes leaving at 10pm, sometimes leaving at 3am and spend 9 hours racing to California. By myself, I would make that nine hour drive through the desert sometimes with no cell phone by myself (not that they had signals for cell phones out there at that point) just to run away. To not be on my campus with my work and my classes, to just get to James and the beach and Claremont and sleep in a place with open windows and a lemon tree out front and lay in the sun with the beach breeze and the waves in my ears. For years and years, I would get an urge to run away and I would get in my car and go - windows down, stereo blaring, clearing thinking I was immortal as I sped down the dark interstate. Rather impulsive.

That’s what I remember, being 21 and my little sporty car with the great stereo and manual transmission that was way too much fun to drive. I thought of that as I drove my Saturn station wagon (still with manual transmission, not quite as sporty! ) Filled with carseats and old sippy cups and sunshades to protect my babies. Here I am, 10 years later. The urge to just go, to just keep driving hit me… and then the baby gave me a really good wallop and I started laughing. It’s not that I wanted to run away from the kids (they were all at home with Kit making dinner) - it’s just the last few months I keep wanting to GO, to get in the car and go and take a vacation, get a break from the phone and the sorting and cleaning and the anxiety of pregnancy after a preemie. To just find some quiet time somewhere to rest and be alone and to think straight. But I’m pregnant, and I can’t leave the metroplex. Not that with these gas prices we would be doing some enormous road trip! And not that I want to run away from my family. I think I wanted to run away from my fears about the pregnancy.

I was remembering that sense of complete freedom, 10 years ago. With no more serious concern than getting back in time for class on Monday (which I often skipped to extend my road trips) and getting my work shift covered. When it was just me and my thoughts and I had freedom to be that selfish.

I don’t want that back. I really, really don’t. I know that back then, what I wanted most was THIS life I’m living now with all the love and adoration of this passel of wild children and being married to my best friend and living in this great house with this wonderful life we’ve been blessed with…

So why this urge to run?? I think it’s my nature, when I’m told I cannot leave I want to leave. I’m so pregnant now that an airline wouldn’t even let me at the gate I’m sure. No one wants to catch a baby in the air. I dreamt about it last night, that I was given tickets to take my family to the beach and we couldn’t go because tomorrow I’M 37 WEEKS PREGNANT!! Before I couldn’t travel because of the risk of complications, now I can’t travel because I’m so pregnant I can go into labor ANY MINUTE! It’s wonderful!!

I think this means I’m getting close to delivery. Well, statistically speaking I’m getting close since I had two babies a week from now, right? Not tough math there… Chances are in the next 2 weeks I’ll have a baby in my arms.

I just don’t know what to do with these urges to run away and seek quiet solitude and peace somewhere… those nine hours of driving gave me a lot of time to think, to ponder, to reflect on what I wanted and who I was and I have no TIME for that now because I am living it. I think back then I felt like I was waiting for my life to start, thinking at some magically appointed life event my “life” would suddenly begin, but no milestone provided that… I just had to realize I was living my life already and I needed to enjoy it.

But right now, about to pop with our baby, it does feel like a strange sense of impending “something-ness” about to begin. Similar to the week you’re about to graduate from college or begin grad school or the night before your wedding when you know everything is about to change! I’m going to have a baby!! Really, really soon! And I’ve not had much time to even pause and really think about that and this pregnancy has raced by and wait a second, I’M HAVING A BABY!! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN and how in the world did these nine months fly by???

This means I’m about ready to pop, huh? When my brain starts to realize what my body is about to do and I totally freak out? Wait, this child has to come out somehow and I’m now getting really big and OUCH, this is not going to be easy!! Hmm…

Today our doula came (busy day - midwife in morning, doula in afternoon) and helped us make our belly cast. We bought the Rigid Wrap (plaster bandages) at Michael’s and for two rolls it was $10.

Step one - everyone get gobs of vaseline and rub it all over Mommy. They love it already.

Step two - cut the rolls to size, dip each strip in warm water and wipe off excess, then lay it on Mommy and smooth it out.

Step three - wait about 20 minutes until it dries and starts to pull away, pull it off!

Step four - after it dries (takes a couple days) we’ll let the kids put their handprints on it with paint and when the baby comes we’ll add the baby’s footprint.

It was fun, less mess than I imagined, and really cute. (Less mess - I realize I am covered in the plaster all over my pants but that was because Bennett was “helping” and using me as a washcloth.) There are more pictures of it up in the gallery and after we paint it we’ll update this post and add more shots of the final project. We’re not sure what we’ll do with it, probably just display it until the kids destroy it.

That last shot of Kit taking the cast off was Christopher’s photo - he’s getting really good! I’m excited to see what pictures he’ll capture of the birth since he and Mo will both have cameras.

Okay, pre-paid our mortgage for August and our tithing and paid our auto insurance for the rest of the year (less for me to remember) and I think most everything else is on auto pay? Kit’s working on some of the utility bill stuff now. I want to not have to even give these things a thought after the baby comes.

Going to get my eye exam and order new glasses this week. Need to decide what we’re doing about Emy’s vaccines, if we’re going to do them before or after the baby (for the ones she’s due on, we delayed some and are spacing some and yes, our pediatrician knows and suggested we do a couple at a time and not slam her with all of them at once. Five shots at a time, who knows what a kid is reacting to?? We’ll leave the rest of the vaccine debate for others.) Got all the kids in for their dental check ups/work. One of these days we’ll take Ben in for his 3 year check up. Haha, that was due back in January. I kept thinking we would need to go see his doctor for something but we’ve not been in since last fall for his consult re: orthotics but one of these days we should do a check up! He’s so healthy we’ve just not bothered. But waiting for his new glasses to come in, hoping they’re here before the baby.

I got the kids’ scrapbooks all caught up through the end of 2007!! I just have to journal them but the pictures are on the pages and they are cute! Wow. I’m impressed with myself. I’ll be more impressed if I get the captions/journalling done and we won’t discuss how behind my personal scrapbooks are but a friend is coming tomorrow evening to visit and I’ll work on them then.

I’ve completely stalled on C’s math lessons - there are some materials I need to pick up to keep going (geoboard, tangrams) and there’s a sale Thursday for all the educational stuff so I’m waiting for that. I should be doing his language lessons, though, but I’m being a slacker with school to do baby prep.

Got one friend’s baby present done, trying to get the second done before my baby comes.

I’ve hit the frantic nesting stage, huh? These contractions are pretty motivating. Making the belly cast Thursday. Need to find my thank you notes I made and send a couple of those for baby gifts. I need stamps, I can’t mail birth announcements to the non-email relatives (grandparents and such) if I don’t have stamps… What am I forgetting??

More: I got my eye exam scheduled for Friday and my ultrasound for Monday (to verify my rockstar uterus is looking good and not going to surprise us with our VBAC - the late ultrasound is apparently new policy and we anticipate nothing but good news that my uterus is lovely and thick and my scar is strong.) I got a coupon in the mail for a free hair cut (welcome to the neighborhood packet - also had a coupon for a free pizza we’ll be saving for postpartum, fingers crossed I can eat dairy though after Emy’s recent dairy trial and disaster, I’m assuming this baby will join the anti-milk campaign our kids have going. Sigh… I’m searching still for ice cream alternatives though the coconut milk ice cream is one we’ll be experimenting more with…) Anyway, I think I’ll get my hair trimmed pre-delivery since it won’t happen postpartum with a nursling.

Still sure I’m forgetting things… what??

An extremely patient cousin allowed my kids to practice holding a baby - she seemed a bit surprised by being passed around but made not a peep. They were all demanding a turn holding “the baby” and even Emy insisted she get a turn, though you can see that Emy and her cousin are not far apart in age or size!

I’m 36 weeks pregnant. Kit and I were discussing swaddles and the kids asked what they were - he demonstrated and now C is quite proficient at making swaddles and Emy will bring him her babydolls and a blanket and say, “Swaddle baby?” They are all quite excited though we still need to cover some ground rules about what is and not allowed with the new baby. Especially since yesterday we caught Christopher giving Emy a SHOULDER RIDE. On the tile, walking around with Emy sitting on his shoulders - gave me a heart attack. She thought it was great, of course. So yes, need to discuss what’s okay and not with the soon to be arriving Mojo.

Emy seems to be very, very into babies lately. She carries one or two around, asks for swaddles, makes beds for them (this morning the bed was in the middle of the dining room floor) and constantly pulls out a changing pad, diaper, wipes, ointment AND powder to change her baby’s diapers. She’s entered the baby doll stage full force and that’s on one hand wonderful, but on the other hand may be a problem when I explain that the new baby is NOT a baby doll and she’s gonna have to share the parenting responsibilities with Mommy & Daddy.

Update: E’s been fighting a nasty, horribly sad and angry diaper rash. Diaper changes are torture. (We discovered she’s not ready for milk yet - whoops. She can do cheese or yogurt fine but we just let her try some whole milk and it was not good.) Anyway, I’m trying to take it easy (hahaha) laying on my bed and I asked C to bring me diapers and wipes for Emy thinking she was dirty. He also brought powder, ointment, and her little baby doll and said, “I brought the doll in case it’s a painful rash.”

How sweet is he???