First, here’s the very unrevised and not at all current plan we wrote up years ago.

Second, the steps from the lovely book Parenting Breakthrough along with my notes for implementing said plan:

1. Create your personal plan w/much spousal input and kids’ thoughts if appropriate. Keep a separate list for each child to check off and let them see if any of the (age appropriate) tasks strike their fancy.

2. Introduce the new skill far in advance, give them much warning and talk it up.

3. Pick a trainer, it does not have to be you – extended family, friends, older siblings/cousins, church leaders are all resources. Offer to teach a skill to their child in return, “I’ll teach your child how to make bread in exchange for you explain the stock market to my kid!”

4. Hold several training sessions, repeat, repeat, break down into baby steps, make it fun, repeat. Be nonjudgemental, explain this is to help them develop skills for being an adult and don’t get emotional or frustrated or impatient. Just keep trying and assume they’ll need you to train them on this skill for a long, long time. Don’t offer high praise or value judgements on their work, just make observations and offer instruction and let them decide how they did. Correct as needed but in a matter of fact manner.

5. Incorporate into your life, don’t let that skill go to waste. They can teach rarely used skills (how to change a flat tire?) to other youth/siblings. Guideline is if they can do it for themselves then they should. (With exceptions for gestures of service & love like making them breakfast or helping with laundry while they study for exams.)

More to come…

C, yesterday you took over an hour to do your math assignment and it should have taken 30 minutes, tops. You admittedly got distracted and today I decided to provide some extra incentive to move things along – it’s 34 degrees right now and so cold in the sunroom. I sent you out there to do your lesson and I said as soon as you finish, run back in and I’ll check your work. An HOUR LATER you came in and showed me your feet and asked, “Mom, is this frostbite?” After I stopped laughing I said it was not and are you done yet?? You almost were.

SO needless to say, serving a mission in Siberia probably won’t phase you because even in the frigid sunroom you got just as distracted daydreaming. Hmm, how to better help you focus then? 😀 That really is a concern for me, I know the kids are distractions for you but even alone you get distracted by your own projects and thoughts and you lose track of time. Not that I don’t know where you got that from but I would like you to have a habit of focusing on your tasks until they are completed.

I asked the kids to clean up the living room so we would be ready to start lessons and I was straightening up the kitchen. I walked in to check on them and immediately noticed the living room wasn’t clean – but three of the five were on the floor reading.

So… I love that they are reading! And getting distracted by books while cleaning is so something they get from their mother. But I also want them to complete their chores when asked, though me not being there really was a wild gamble since they are all little and need supervision to stay on task (except C, he just got distracted.) I knew they would need follow up and I didn’t get at all annoyed they were reading and the living room is still cluttered. I did remind them of their task and how we must balance priorities. 🙂

So Kit’s proposed we have a self reliance week. I think he called it “Common Sense Week.” If there is anything the kids can do for themselves, they have to do it and we’re not going to help (unless safety is involved.) All those times they stand there in the kitchen with a dirty plate and ask, “Where do I put this?” We’re not going to tell them! (Right now we always ask, “Where do you think it’s suppose to go?”) If they need help with something and ask, then we help. But otherwise, they are ON THEIR OWN for anything and everything they can feasibly do without us. If they don’t know how to do it, we’ll teach them.

I’m liking this idea. We may need to make it an annual tradition. Perhaps not a week, just a day now and add more days as they get older? But it is really important to us that they learn to do as much as they can for themselves so they are reasonably independent and functioning when they leave home. It’s too easy for me to do things for them but I’m robbing them of the chance to learn to do it for themselves and I’m making my life harder by not enlisting their assistance in running this house. It’s an investment of time to train them now but I know it will reap rewards for our family and for their future families.

So, we’ll set a date and we’ll do some preliminary training and we’ll try survival week at the Thaden-Pierce house. 🙂 This should be entertaining…